


Dmmd Pets 101

by GrammaticalMurder



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark Comedy, M/M, Manual, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 04:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11775594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrammaticalMurder/pseuds/GrammaticalMurder
Summary: What if the Dramatical Murder characters were actually pets?! How would one take care of said pets? Well, I know how!





	1. Intro to Dmmd Pets

**Author's Note:**

> If you were an animal lover as a kid like me, you'd probably spent from around 1 to 24 hours a day watching Animal Planet. One show that was pretty big at the time was Dogs 101, which later expanded into Whatever 101. So yeah, this work is inspired by said childhood show.

This will be a guide on how to care for your newest yaoi friend; the Dmmd pet. Keep in mind that these adorable complicated little creatures are very adorable and very complicated! There are a lot of things to know about how to handle a Dmmd pet but do not worry! As long as you keep reading, you'll know everything you need to know about your Dmmd pet.

Ready? Let's begin!

** Getting Your Dmmd Pet **

You can't adopt a Dmmd pet from any pet store. You'll have to adopt your Dmmd pet at a Nitro+Chiral pet store; there you'll be able to find a Dmmd pet. You'll have the option of getting an Aoba or a "Boyfriend"; a pet that could be seen as a sort of seme. When getting a "Boyfriend", you'll have to request which specific type you want and they'll give you a crate. Inside the crate will be your new friend! The store owners will usually give you a baby Dmmd pet but the age is also optional.

** Breeding: Introducing a "Boyfriend" to an Aoba **

Pets like the Dmmd pets and most other yaois have a very unusual form of reproduction. When breeding your Dmmd pet and an Aoba, the results will be an entirely new boyfriend and an entirely new Aoba! The offspring will have a way of sensing to who their parents are so there is no need to worry about inbreeding. Isn't that interesting?!

** Good End&Bad End **

"Good end" and "Bad end" are terms we like to use when it comes to the owner's satisfaction with their Dmmd pets. Since each Dmmd pet have their differences from each other, there are different ways of handling them and it's highly recommended to know about these methods. Now that you've finished reading about all the general information about our Dmmd pets, we can finally move on to reading about the Dmmd pets individually! Let's get started!


	2. The Koujaku Pet

The Koujaku Pet

The Koujaku pet will be the first "Boyfriend" pet that will be discussed in this guide. The Koujaku pet is available in any Nitro+chiRAL store near you. This pet is often named the "childhood" pet because it gets along with the Aoba pet very well at a young age.

** Taking Your Koujaku Pet Home **

The Koujaku pet is a fairly adaptive pet while it's still immature. The most suitable place to give the immature Koujaku pet an environment with various shades of red along with various decorations that are Japanese themed( remember to explain this to your peers so they won't accuse you of being racist). If you live in an apartment, a balcony would be nice for when your Koujaku pet gets older. Once you have prepared everything for your adorable little beastie, you can take him home.

** Playing with your Koujaku Pet **

Remember those Barbie dolls you use to play with as a child? Are thinking about throwing them away? Well you better not! Your Koujaku pet can entertain itself for hours playing with long-haired dolls. Be careful if you wear hair extensions or wigs because this grabby little beast will have the tendency to yank them right off your head. Of course as the Koujaku pet gets older, it will learn not to pull at your hair especially if it's in public. Try to keep your young Koujaku pet away from the Mink pet because it will not and we mean WILL NOT take its hand off the Mink pet's hair until a fight breaks out.

** Food **

In the Nitro+chiRAL store, you'll often find packages of food that is labeled "Tae-san's cooking". This is often given to Dmmd pets in case you're not sure what kind of fresh food to give your pet.

** Grooming **

The Koujaku pet is extremely tedious to groom. If not groomed properly, your Koujaku pet will be forced to go out in public looking like an electrocuted Sasuke Uchiha. In order to keep your Koujaku pet's hair a smooth texture, you need to buy some expensive ass products and watch a crap ton of Youtube videos about hair. If you don't have the money for various hair products or the time to learn how to maintain top tier hair, then you may not want the Koujaku pet. If you already ordered your Koujaku pet and would not like to settle in Bad End, then you'll just have to live with your Koujaku pet having Sasuke hair.

** Interaction with Other pets **

All Koujaku pets have an automatic affinity for Aoba pets. From a youthful stage to a mature stage, the two pets are always in a good relationship;however, the same cannot be said about the relationships with the other Boyfriend pets. The Noiz pet is the Koujaku pet's natural enemy; it's extremely rare to see the two Boyfriend pets get along. The worst fights are when the Aoba pet is involved. Koujaku pets seem to be indifference toward Clear pets.

** Maturing **

While the Koujaku pet is still young, the skin is a solid color. You would be able to know if your pet is maturing because the Koujaku pet's skin will grow multiple markings on its back, face, and the left part of its body (which will be explained in a moment). As for changes in behavior, the adult Koujaku pet develops an interest with the hose. You have two options on how to deal with this new behavior. You can either:

a) Leave your Koujaku pet to do whatever it pleases.

b) Massage your Koujaku pet's scalp with Nair and he'll think twice before going near the hose ever again.

The adult Koujaku pet would also get into the habit of smoking. If you are a good Dmmd pet owner you should make sure there's no way for your Koujaku pet to obtain cigarettes and a lighter but if it manages to do so, make it watch Truth's and CDC's anti-smoking commercials. Sure, it would traumatize your Koujaku pet for a huge proportion of it's life but if it works then that's all that matters. As for breeding, you'll be able to tell if the Koujaku pet is ready to do the no-pants-dance with an Aoba pet if you see blood running down its nose after spotting the first Aoba pet it sees.

** The Ryuuhou Parasite: How to handle the Beastjaku Pet **

The main concern in owning a Koujaku Pet is the risk of coming down with the Ryuuhou tick. Unfortunately, being sick from the Ryuuhou tick is unavoidable during the immature stage of the Koujaku pet's life. The most important thing to do in order to keep your Koujaku pet healthy is make sure your Koujaku pet doesn't suffer Ryuuhou ticks in its adult life because recovering from them is nearly impossible once the Koujaku pet is grown. You would be able to tell if your pet has the Ryuuhou ticks if it has:

1\. Red pigment over the dark parts of its body.

2\. The flower markings on its back spread throughout the body.

3\. A violent and angry fit every fifteen goddamn minutes.

If your Koujaku pet has any of these three symptoms, it has become what we like to call a Beastjaku pet. Once your Koujaku pet becomes a Beastjaku pet, you're fucking screwed. The Nitro+chiRAL store will not allow you to return your Beastjaku pet. The only option for you is to perform the Reincarnation Ceremony on your newly rabid little buddy. To do the Reincarnation Ceremony you must:

1\. Find a bucket

2\. Fill it with water.

3\. Grab your Beastjaku pet by the head.

4\. Place the Beastjaku pet's head underneath the water inside the bucket.

5\. Wait for bubbles to stop rising and then you can release the Beastjaku pet.

6\. Go to the Nitro+chiRAL store.

7\. Tell the owner about the Reincarnation ceremony.

8\. Get a new Koujaku pet.

Well of course there's always the option of not performing the Reincarnation ceremony but it's a lot more troublesome for you. Taking care of a Beastjaku pet is pretty much the same as a Koujaku pet, only now it's much more important to keep your Beastjaku pet happy to prevent it from going apeshit and trashing your place. This will include the amount of attention it receives, the quality in the hair it plays with, and access to an Aoba pet nearby. Speaking of the Aoba pet, you can no longer have your Beastjaku pet interact with an Aoba pet. A Beastjaku pet can only breed with an Aoba pet if the Aoba pet has become a Shiroba pet, which will be discussed in a later chapter in this guide. It's also important to keep your Beastjaku well-rested. Best not to fuck with its beauty sleep, you know?

** Allmate Beni **

Though it's 100% optional, buying an Allmate Beni can really boost up your Koujaku pet's happiness. An Allmate is great way to keep a Dmmd pet company while you are away. Keep in mind that each Allmate has a sort of sense that keeps them bonded to a specific Dmmd pet. The Allmate that belongs to the Koujaku pet is the Allmate Beni. The Allmate Beni takes the form of a red Avadavat. The Allmate Beni's small size causes it to have insecurities and a short temper. The Allmate Beni does not require a lot of maintenance so don't worry about it eating up your budget.

** Conclusion **

Well now you know what's in store for you! The Koujaku pet is a very outgoing pet that can take up a lot of your time and money but it will be all worth it when you get to bond with your special  **special**  little friend!

Stay tuned for the next chapter. Next time, we'll be discussing all about the joys and pains of owning a Noiz pet!


	3. The Noiz Pet

The Noiz pet

Alright! Next up, we have the Noiz pet. The Noiz pets are one of the most popular boyfriends in the Dmmd pet edition. This boyfriend is often considered the "Trash" pet for reasons I have no idea.

**Taking your Noiz pet Home**

Since Noiz pets are naturally claustrophobic creatures, most Noiz pets are put to sleep when placed in crates. It's important to quickly take your Noiz pet home and take it out before it wakes up inside the crate. It's a common myth that the Noiz pet would prefer a home full of fancy and expensive shit. In reality, Noiz pets can make do with a lot of different homes as long as they're not too small. When preparing a room for your Noiz pet, save a lot of space because the Noiz pet would eventually use that space up for whatever sometime around the future. Until the Noiz pet is an adult, it will not care much for any sort of furniture.

**Playing with your Noiz pet**

While the Noiz pet is still around its toddler stage, play fighting is the most fun it can have. So just flap your arm a lot to keep the young Noiz pet occupied until it's tired. Sure, you may look like an idiot in public but at least your baby Noiz pet is having fun. Since Noiz pets can't feel pain, you shouldn't worry about hurting your Noiz pet. However, if rough playing results in excessive bleeding, broken limbs, or head trauma, you should probably be concerned. As the Noiz pet gets older yet still immature, the way you play with it changes. Though your Noiz pet will still like to play fight, videogames will be a new option. It'd really suck if you're not into videogames because your Noiz pet could play videogames for hours, keeping you up at night and shit. Occasionally, your Noiz pet wouldn't want to play alone and would expect you to play with it. You do have the choice in not playing with your Noiz pet but you would feel like a piece of shit after a few minutes.

**Food**

Even though you can give your Noiz pet "Tae-san's cooking" from the Nitro+chiRAL store, it has a liking for human food. Pizza and pasta are Noiz pets' favorites when it comes to human food. It's recommended to limit the amount of pizza and pasta you give to your Noiz pet because it can easily become use to those foods and will not eat the Dmmd pet food. Despite having the appetite of a fat fuck, Noiz pets can maintain a slender figure quite remarkably. Dmmd pet experts still have yet to discover why this is so. Do not give your Noiz pet any sausage or beer because that's just ignorant. Instead, give your Noiz pet matzo ball soup and kugel.

**Grooming**

Maintaining the hair on your Noiz pet won't take much effort; the real task is keeping your Noiz pet's piercings clean. Yes, all the piercings. If fresh piercings are not kept clean, the Noiz pet will most likely suffer infections. Grooming can be a challenge because the Noiz pet has a tendency to be fussy when groomed. To groom your Noiz pet with minimal struggle, you can either:

  1. a) Set a whole pizza pie in front of your Noiz pet in hopes of distracting it.
  2. b) Put your Noiz pet in a box and shake the hell out the box to the point of knocking out your Noiz pet.



One is less expensive than the other; think about that.

**Interaction with Other Pets**

The Noiz pet is a little shit when it comes to interacting with other pets; however, because it's a Boyfriend pet, the Noiz pet has a natural attraction towards the Aoba pet. The Aoba pet will play an important role in the Noiz pet's life for reasons other than procreating. As for other Boyfriend pets, the Noiz pet has a fixation for fucking with the Koujaku pet. Some owners have said that their Noiz pets get along with Clear pets. As for the—

**Maturing (if you can call it that)**

The Noiz pet has two stages of maturation. The first stage is called the Ruff Rabbit stage. This is when the Noiz pet goes from child to adolescent. There is an unofficial tradition among Noiz pets that one must have piercings in a specific amount and in specific areas when it enters the Ruff Rabbit stage of its life. You are not obligated to give your Noiz pet piercings but it will insist that it must have piercings; saying it's just "the way". Many Nitro+chiRAL stores have reported cult-like practices among the Dmmd pets. Dmmd pet experts are currently observing this phenomenon. There is little change in behavior during the Ruff Rabbit stage. Perhaps the only difference is the Noiz pet's habit of harassing any Aoba pet nearby. Ever since the beginning of the Dmmd pet production, there were many complaints from Aoba pet owners about Noiz pet owners sneaking into their homes and screwing around with their Aoba pets. So keep an eye on your Noiz pet at nights during this stage, or you'll suffer charges because of your mischievous little bastard. Speaking of the Aoba pet, it's only when a Noiz pet fully bonds with an Aoba pet that it genuinely matures. The second time a Noiz pet matures is called the Re:Connect stage. During this stage, all piercings are removed and most annoying behavioral problems have disappeared. However, once a fully mature Noiz pet has been paired with an Aoba pet, you might want to wear some earplugs at night.

**What'll happen if your Noiz pet doesn't grow out of Ruff Rabbit: The 8-Bit Delusion**

Even if you don't want to breed your Noiz pet with an Aoba pet, it's still important that your Noiz pet bonds with one. Bonding with an Aoba pet is crucial for a Noiz pet's growth. After one year, the Noiz pet must mature a second time in order to stay healthy. If your Noiz pet does not bond with an Aoba pet by then, it will remain in a coma-like state while still be able to move around. This state is called the 8-bit delusion. In the Noiz pet's head, it imagines itself in a simple game of fighting. This will explain why the Noiz pet's movements are constantly repeating itself. The store will not allow you to return your "8-bit" Noiz pet. Unlike the Beastjaku pet, there isn't a way to take care of a Noiz pet once it goes into its 8-bit delusion. There is only one thing left to do for your Noiz pet. What you must do is:

  1. Place your 8-bit Noiz pet in a quiet room.
  2. Order two virtual reality helmets.
  3. Place one of the helmets onto your Noiz pet.
  4. Place the other onto yourself.
  5. What will appear before you is the screen called Sword Art Online
  6. Sign up for an account.
  7. Challenge your Noiz pet in a fight.
  8. Win
  9. Go 100 more floors.
  10. Take off the helmets and throw them out.
  11. Go to the Nitro+chiRAL store
  12. Get a new Noiz pet.



**Allmate Usagimodoki**

Fucking hell, please tell me I spelled that correctly. Anyways! The Noiz pet has an affinity for rabbits. It's not uncommon to find a Noiz pet inside a rabbit den in a pet store. You might think that buying a bunny for your Noiz pet is a good idea but it's not. Rabbits are also pets that need high maintenance. Trust me, when dealing with a growing Noiz pet, the last thing you will need is another pain in the , purchase an Allmate for your Noiz pet. The Noiz pet's Allmate is the Usagimodoki. The Usagimodoki takes the form of a cube. At first, the Allmate can be extremely irritating but it's significantly less expensive than an actual rabbit. It's not all the time, but the Usagimodoki can take on the Noiz pet's habits and fuck with the Koujaku pet's Allmate; the Beni.

**Conclusion**

So now you know about the joys and pains of owning a Noiz pet. Apart from behavioral problems, the Noiz pet isn't a lot of work in most categories. Continue reading for the wonders of having a Clear pet!

 


	4. The Clear Pet

The Clear Pet

Do you have allergies? Do your allergies prevent you from enjoying the life of owning the majority of pets out there in the world? Are you afraid that your allergies might prevent you from owning even a Dmmd pet? Are you tired of being asked questions about your allergies? Well there's no need to ever be forced to answers those questions ever again! Well unless you want to become a doctor or if you're going on a plane. Or, if you're going to eat at a restaurant. Or— nevermind. The Clear pet is an artificial pet for those who have allergies. The Clear pet is capable of behaving like any other real Dmmd pet!

** Taking your Clear pet Home **

The Clear pet is very adaptive to its environment; no special preparations are necessary for your Clear pet. Any furnishing will happen later in the Clear pet's life when it develops various likings.

** Playing with your Clear pet **

A young Clear pet requires a lot of attention and long play sessions. The Clear pet enjoys colorful aquatic-themed toys, especially the jellyfish. Purchasing a lot of plush jellyfishes would be nice for your Clear pet while it's indoors. Be careful when taking a young Clear pet outside without a Dmmd pet leash because the Clear pet tends to run off. When a Clear pet runs off, it's nearly impossible to find it. Fortunately, a Clear pet learns to stay put as it gets older. It's especially important to keep an eye on your Clear pet when visting an Aquarium. There have been numerous incidents where a Clear pet has fallen into the tank where jellyfishes are kept. To keep itself occupied, the Clear pet will do a lot of singing. True, it's charming for many owners but it can eventually be irritating for those who are easily annoyed. Press the button on your Clear pet's back that says STOP FUCKING SINGING and the Clear pet will not sing until you press the button again. If the Clear pet does not stop singing after you've pressed the button, you may be able to settle in Bad End and return your Clear pet.

** Food **

The Clear pet does not need any pet food; however, the Clear pet will consume food anyways. The Clear pet eats for the sake of behaving like a Dmmd pet though it won't get any nutrition out of it. To feed your Clear pet, you must buy specific oil. The Dmmd pet Oil can be found in all Nitro+chiRAL stores and can be used to feed new advanced Allmates as well. The Clear pet knows the amount of Dmmd pet Oil it needs so don't worry about over-feeding it.

** Grooming **

The Clear pet is the easiest pet to groom, mainly because no grooming is actually involved. All you have to do is take your computer screen cleaner and just spray your Clear pet down. Make sure that you don't spray too much because the liquid might cause a spark and you might have to buy a new Clear pet.

** Interaction with Other pets **

Built to behave like a Boyfriend pet, the Clear pet has an attraction towards the Aoba pet. The Clear pet is a very social pet; it usually gets along with most pets.

** Maturing: Existential Crisis Alert **

All the fun and carefree joys from owning a Clear pet comes to a pause when it begins to mature. The young Clear pet is completely unaware that it's an artificial pet. Realizing that it's not a real Dmmd pet will be extremely hard for the Clear pet. The maturing Clear pet will wear a gas mask; it's another one of those weird cult things Dmmd pets do. As an owner, watching your Clear pet fall into depression can be as heartbreaking as a shaved Koujaku pet or a flat-assed Aoba pet. Don't worry, the Clear pet will eventually come into acceptance and everything will be back to normal. Think of it as having a child go through their teenage years. When it's time for the Clear pet to do the do with the Aoba pet, it will take its mask off. Do not let the Clear pet's sweet and innocent character fool you. Bringing an Aoba pet in your Clear pet's life can result in, how you say, sleepless nights. Of course problems dealing with the "artificial vs. real" pet will come back when it's time to breed your Clear pet to an Aoba pet. The Clear pet may feel sad that they can't actually procreate like the other Boyfriend pets. While everyone is asleep, quickly sneak into the Nitro+chiRAL store and purchase a baby Aoba pet and a baby Clear pet. Once you got them, quietly place them in your Clear pet's room before it wakes up.

** Reboot: Bootleg Doctors **

It's extremely important to know a robotic engineer or Dmmd pet doctor you can trust. Don't just give your damaged Clear pet to just any half-assed technician. If someone working on repairing your Clear pet makes a mistake, shit will go wrong. It can range from mere language settings changing or simply blowing the fuck up. The most common situation that happens during a fluke is the Clear pet's personality changing. The Clear pet's new personality is pretty much what you would expect from a robot. The "Robots can't cry,laugh, or love" stereotype is almost true. You can say the new Clear pet is just an albino miniature Terminator. Please do not give your Clear pet an Aoba pet once it's in Terminator mode. You can guesss why. Perhaps a Shiroba pet owner will be willing to lend their Shiroba pet to you, just perhaps. The "True Robo" Clear pet can still live a full life if you insist on keeping it. If you don't want to take care of your Clear pet the process in putting it down is simple.

You must:

1\. Shut the Clear pet down .

2\. That's it. Nothing crazy this time. Just get a new Clear pet.

** Alpha ** **  
** The Clear pet doesn't have an allmate; however, we do have a thing called an Alpha. Think of the Alpha as the Clear's younger brother. It's not a Dmmd pet, nor, is it an allmate. When it comes to keeping the Clear pet company, it's completely useless and you should not purchase it. We don't even know why we produce these little bastards.

** Conclusion **

To sum it all up, the Clear pet is a low maintenance pet with a hyperactive spirit. The Clear pet is perfect for those who want a pet that can be Happy-Go-Lucky 24/7, with the exception for the Angsty puberty period of course. Next up on DmmdPets101 we'll be looking into the life of the Last of The Mohicans Pet.


	5. The Mink Pet

Troy from Saw 3 pet or whatever…

Remember in the introduction that states that all Dmmd pets are available in any Nitro+chiRAL store? Well I lied. The Dmmd pets we will be talking about are currently unavailable in Nitro+chiRAL stores. If you want these Dmmd pets, you'll have to buy them from a regular Mill or a natural breeder. The reasons why these Dmmd pets are unavailable will be explained in just about now. These pets are by far the most controversial pets ever produced by Nitro+chiRAL; ever; EVER! The Mink pet has been split into two different breeds. The domestic more vicious breed is going to be called the Mill pet and the natural more passive pet is going to be called the Wild Pet. This pet has been nicknamed the "Cinnamini Monster" just three seconds before the making of this chapter.

** Taking your Mink pet Home **

While still immature, both pets are fairly tolerant to their surroundings. There is no need to worry about what to furnish your Mill pet/Wild pet's room with. However, there are some things you have to avoid. Depending on where you've gotten your Mill pet from, white rooms can be very unsettling for it. The same could be said for rooms full of flammable items.

** Playing with your Mink pet **

Even at a young age, Mink pets aren't very hyper active. "Playing" with a young Mink pet usually involves nice walks at the park and relaxing together. You must put your Dmmd pet on a leash at all times in public even though the Mink dislikes it. This is enforced due to some incidents that will be explained later. Interacting with adult Mill pets can be much harder since they are not interested in having fun. However, you can still find a way to chill with your Mill pet by having coffee and smoking a pipe if you're old enough.

** Grooming **

While immature, both Mink pets have soft strong hair, so grooming is easy. It's only when the Mill pet is an adult that grooming is a pain in the ass. It's not recommended to have a Mill pet if you have zero knowledge on dreaded hair. In fact, there have been reports of owners being so fed up with caring for their Mill pet's dreads that they dropped their off to "special" coat factories. That's not illegal, just a heads up. The Wild pet's hair remains fairly soft and durable, so grooming it will be easier and you won't have to worry about hair damage. All you need to do is comb it, add a few braids, and clip on cheap feathers from some half-assed hipster shop. If taken care of well enough, you can sell your Wild pet's hair to Dmmd pet owners who fucked up their Dmmd pet's hair.

** Food **

Though you can give your Mink pet "Tae-san's cooking" from the Nitro+chiRAL store, we have something better. We have special food called "go fuck yourself" food. Please oh please don't question why the "go fuck yourself" food smells like cinnamon. Speaking of cinnamon, don't give your Mink pet cinnabons. Your Mill pet will look at you like you were a dumbass and will want to backhand you. Though you can always call the police and have your Mill pet sent to the special coat factories if it were to lay a hand on you. Oh yeah, and coffee is a nice drink too…

** Interaction with Other pets **

Don't even try to get your Mink pet to associate with other Dmmd pets. Even if your Mink pet comes into good terms with an Aoba pet, the issue lies with the Aoba pet owner. Be sure that the Aoba pet owner is cool with your Mink pet hanging around their Aoba pet.

** Maturing **

Mill pets and Wild pets are near identical to each other during their immature stage. You'll need to be confirmed about what type of Mink pet you're getting. The Mill pets grow up to have light blue eyes and matted hair while the Wild pet remains golden-eyed and smooth haired. What separates the Mill pet and the Wild pet the most are their personalities. The Mill pets are more likely to be more violent while the Wild pet is more tranquil. Courting an Aoba pet will be hard, especially if your Mink pet is a Mill type. The frick frack part will be pretty easy; however, a real bond will be damn near impossible. If a decent relationship with an Aoba pet is what you want, then a Wild pet is recommended. Mink pet owners are most likely going to settle Bad Ends during the adult years and give their Mink pets up.

** Toue Disease and a Nice Boat **

For those who want to adopt a Mill pet, understand that around 99% of Mill pets are severely fucked in the head. There are various factors that cause the majority of Mill pets to become the way they are. Mill pets are prone to the Toue disease, which leads to a huge list of mental issues. It's this reason why Wild pets are recommended to new Dmmd pet owners since they are much healthier in the cranial area if you know what I'm saying; however, there have been a few Wild pets that have these issues. Though the Mink pet, particularly the Mill pet, has many troubles properly courting an Aoba pet, it's still important that it does so. Though it may not look like it, Aoba pets are to Mink pets like pocky sticks are to otakus. It's near impossible to know if your Mill pet has the Toue disease since their personality changes very subtly. Unfortunately, we have yet to confirm exactly what behavioral differences there are between a Toue-sick Mill pet and a healthy Mill pet. Know that the Toue disease in contagious to several Dmmd pets, including the Aoba pet. So to be safe, just assume your Mink pet has the Toue disease. Few Mink pet owners have been successful in not sending their Mink pets to the special coat factories after having their Mink pets diagnosed. If your Mill pet has been diagnosed with the Toue disease, don't try to get your Mink pet to breed with an Aoba pet. We really don't want to hear another report about how an Aoba pet owner got his/her Aoba handled by a Mink pet School Days style.

** Allmate Tori/Lulakan(if I spelled that right) **

The Allmate that belongs to this Dmmd pet is called the Tori or Lulakan or Rurakan or whatever fuck you. The Tori/Rura-Lula-khan-kan whatever takes on the form of a Mollucan Cockatoo. Your Mill pet will try to find some sort of use in Allmate Tori since it cares more about utility rather than companionship. In the Nitro+chiRAL store you can find a miniature motorbike where you can place the Tori chip into. What would a Mink pet be doing with a teeny ass motorbike? We don't know. The Wild pet however, keeps the Allmate Lulakan as a friend.

** Quick History About Our Controversial Dmmd Pet **

Now you already know that it's not always fun owning a Mink pet. What with all the other Dmmd pet owners holding on to their Dmmd pets away from your own Dmmd pet and all the times Aoba pet owners cry rape the moment your Dmmd pet stands near their Aoba pets. You're wondering to yourself how things got this way. Allow me to give you a history lesson about how the Mink pets came to be to better understand why shit's the way it is. In 2012 when we first created the little shits known as Dmmd pets, a huge amount of people weren't really down with the Mink pet. So much Mink pet owners settled in Bad Ends, that Mink pets were actually stocking up the Nitro+chiRAL stores. Not knowing what to do with all the excess Mink pets, Nitro+chiRAL owners resorted to giving their Mink pets away to regular Mink mills. Everyone knows that the pet mills are shit place for pets. The Mink pets that were raised in mills grew up to be little thugs fucking with other Dmmd pets. Not wanting to lie, there have been a staggering amount of reports about Mink pets assaulting Aoba pets. At this point, people were losing their shit trying to make Mink pets illegal in various areas where they're sold. Things began to change a little by the year 2013. After breeding Aoba pets with well-behaving stray Mink pets that have escaped special coat factories and Mink mills, a new breed was formed; the Wild pet. We started to notice how the "Wild" pet is much more passive and they were now being produced as an alternate to the Mill pets. This seemed to work for a while, but a handful of Dmmd pet owners are still strongly opposed to Mink pets. People lost their shit a second time and began acting out in the name of protecting Aoba pets. When we first released videos showing interactions with an Aoba pet and the new Mink breed, the speech patterns were intentionally tweaked so that the "Wild" pet referred to the Aoba pet as a "dumbfuck" rather than a less harsh "idiot". There have also been incidents were someone has "accidently" ran over someone else's Mink pet. At this point, a bunch of neck beard MRAs (Mink's Rights Activists) started making changes in favor of the Mink pets. They started spreading lies about our organization such as accusing us of making "Go fuck yourself" out of convicted Mink pets or buying Mink pet coats from the special coat factories. These are 100% false. I promise. Believe me. At last, compromises were finally reached. All Mink pets are required to have a leash on at all times in public in order to avoid potential assault or Hit-and-Runs. Breeding must be approved by the Aoba pet owners in order to avoid issues with assault.

** Conclusion **

Owning a Mill/Wild pet is rather difficult for those who don't know how to manage aggressive pets. However, the Mill/Wild pets have potential of being great pets once you've bonded with them. Now, we will finally get into all the details about the one and only Aoba pet! Stick Around~


	6. The Aoba Pet

The Aoba Pet

And now, we are finally going in depth about our most precious Aoba pet. The Aoba pet is the most abundant of all the other Dmmd pets and is the only Dmmd pet that can carry the unborn Dmmd pet duplicates. The Aoba pet is closely tied to the Sei pet, which is unfortunately out of production due to its inability to survive the Toue parasite.

** Taking Your Aoba Pet Home **

The Aoba pet can adapt to various environments. Though a home near a beach would be nice…

** Playing With Your Aoba Pet **

Playing with the Aoba pet can involve just about anything you want. How an Aoba pet wants to play is subjective to how you're like. So if you would like to hang around the beach or play videogames, your Aoba pet would be more than happy to play with you. Just be careful not to be too rough when you're play fighting with your Aoba pet.

** Food **

The Aoba pet eats exactly what the other Dmmd pets eat; Tae-san's cooking. Some Aoba pet owners have been giving their Aoba pet phallic-shaped foods and candies. Though it was funny the first few times, it's now getting pretty old. So please don't be that Aoba pet owner.

** Grooming **

Grooming can be a very hard task. The texture is not the problem since the hair can remain soft and strong for the most part. The real problem with grooming is that your Aoba pet's hair gains sensation when it grows past its shoulders. It can really tug at the heartstrings when your Aoba pet's having a hard time with you grooming its hair. In order to groom your Aoba pets hair without it feeling pain you must follow these steps.

1\. Find your local juice bar.

2\. Get a friendly juicer who knows just how to add that little spike into your drink.

3\. Take the juice home.

4\. Shove it all down your Aoba pet's throat.

5\. Wait for a couple of minutes as your Aoba pet feels tired.

6\. Groom your Aoba pet's hair.

After that your Aoba pet will wake up like nothing happened and you can take it out for some more juice.

** Interaction with Other Dmmd pets **

An Aoba pet is the most social of all Dmmd pets. It's not hard to get your Aoba pet to socialize with other Dmmd pets. However, it's still important to supervise your Aoba pet when they're interacting with new Boyfriend pets. Aoba pets tend to socialize with each type of Boyfriend pet differently. Aoba pets tend to get along with the Koujaku pet the best, at least when the Koujaku pet is not playing with the hose. Noiz pets will usually try to get your Aoba pet to fight them in a game but they generally don't mean any harm, apart from trying to screw your Aoba pet in the middle of the goddamn night. Clear pets will probably annoy the crap out of your Aoba pet at first. As for the Mink pet...

** Maturing: Finding the Right Boyfriend Pet **

The Aoba pet matures much earlier than the Boyfriend pets. The Aoba pet's hair will grow much longer as it gets older. The best way to tell if your Aoba pet is maturing is to check out its ass. A mature Aoba pet should have an ass of the gods. Once your Aoba pet gets that, it's ready to find a Boyfriend pet. As owner of the Aoba pet, whatever Boyfriend pet your Aoba pet will breed with is entirely in your hands. If you want to breed your Aoba pet be sure that a Boyfriend pet's owner is willing to give their Dmmd pet up for around a month and two weeks. You have the option of giving your Aoba pet up for a month and a half to a Boyfriend pet owner instead. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. Please do not record your Aoba pets mating with a Boyfriend pet and then posting it on Youtube. That's just rude and disrespectful to your Aoba pet's privacy. I would go into detail about how these videos ruined some Aoba pets' lives but I'd rather talk about the next important topic.

** Shiroba/Sly Blue pet **

Apart from getting a Boyfriend pet for your Aoba pet, there's something else you need to take into consideration during your Aoba pet's maturation stage. Notice that your Aoba pet has been suffering headaches frequently. The headaches are a sign of a potentially dangerous situation. Now here comes the major downside of owning the Aoba pet. The Aoba pet has a split personality that cannot be cured or prevented. This split personality can be known as the Shiroba or the Sly Blue. Terms about the split personality can be altered depending on the area in which you live in. What makes the Aoba pet easy to care for was that its character is susceptible to the personalities of their owners. The Sly Bue pet does not have that ability. The Shiroba/Sly Blue pet has an overall solid personality that is much harder to tweak. The Shiroba/Sly Blue pet usually comes out whenever the Aoba pet is in an extremely stressful situation. What you must be cautious about the Shiroba/Sly Blue pet is that it has the ability to make other Dmmd pets do whatever shit it wants them to do. So far there is no solid method of preventing the Shiroba/Sly Blue pet from taking over the Aoba pet. About the best thing you could do is keep your Aoba pet in a nice happy environment. However, once your Aoba pet has turned white then there is almost no way of reverting your Aoba pet back to normal. The Aoba-turned Shiroba pet does not act like a pet very much. It prefers to do things their way beyond all reason. Shiroba/Sly Blue pets are no longer able to breed with normal Boyfriend pets. Though this may be the case, the Shiroba/Sly Blue pet will insist on getting some Dmmd Pet D. Your Shiroba pet can breed with a Beastjaku pet but you really REALLY don't want to get the Shiroba/Sly Blue pet knocked up. Everything in this universe will go to shit if you allow the Shiroba/Sly Blue pet to get preggo. If your Shiroba/Sly Blue pet gets pregnant, please perform the Reincarnation Ceremony.

** Taking Care of a Carrying Aoba Pet **

Apart from handling the Shiroba/Sly Blue personalities, caring for a knocked up Aoba will be the most stressful task an Aoba pet owner can go through, unless you've given your Aoba pet to the care of a Boyfriend pet owner then it's their fucking problem. Lucky for them, they have this totally legit guide on the internet for free. Taking care of your pregger Aoba pet isn't much different than taking care of any other pregnant pet. You don't have to worry too much about leaving your Aoba pet alone since a Boyfriend pet is suppose be tending to it for a huge amount of time. Though the Boyfriend pet is very helpful, you are needed in the process. Make sure your Aoba pet isn't put in a position where it would have to move around that much. You can't use the juice method when grooming your Aoba pet's hair. Instead, hold a pillow over your Aoba pet's face to put it to sleep. Due to all the hormones, your Aoba pet will get extremely bitchy and will throw tantrums every 15-20 minutes. It's also important to know that Aoba pets are most likely going to shift into their split personality when they are preggers. So be aware of that. After one month, the Aoba pet will go into labor. What could be the most traumatic event in your life as a Dmmd pet owner is delivering your Aoba pet's little devil spawns. Go to Google Images, look up gore art. Yeah that's what it looks like when an Aoba pet is ready to pop its little sons of bitches out. Make sure you take your Aoba pet to a sink or a small tub. This is a guide about Dmmd pets, not a guide about the entire storyline of Sweet Pool. Deliver the offspring like you would a normal pet. I don't know nothing about birth and babies sorry you have to learn that on your own. Once you've finished delivering the Dmmd pet babies the Aoba pet will immediately recover as if nothing happened. Seriously one second it looks like it's been flung into a shredder and then a second later it looks like it could be on CoverGirl magazine.

** What To Do With The Little Bastards **

Now that the nasty ass process is over and done with, it's good to know how to deal with the little gifts from above. Boyfriend pets are one of the greatest fathers in the entire domestic animal kingdom. They will take care of their Aoba pet and tend to all the newborns' needs, but only for two weeks. After two weeks, the Boyfriend pet deuces. After another two weeks, the Aoba pet stops giving a shit too. It's not recommended to keep an offspring and a parent Dmmd pet in the same household, especially when the offspring's reaching its mature stage. The Aoba pets will see each other as rivals. It's not pretty seeing two Aoba pets tear each other apart over a Boyfriend pet. So while the offspring are still infants, you can give them to the Nitro+chiRAL store or sell them yourself and get beaucoup money.

** Allmate Ren **

The Aoba pet's allmate is the Ren. The Ren takes the form of a dark blue Japanese spitz. The allmate Ren and the Aoba pet have a closer relationship than any other Dmmd pet with their allmate. You can even get the special app that would transfer the mind of the allmate Ren out of its puppy body and into a Dmmd pet body, making the Ren another potential Boyfriend pet. Urban legend has it that the allmate Ren actually came from the Aoba pet's mind when we first started concocting the first Dmmd pets. But you know, it's all just urban legends and shit.

** Conclusion **

You've learned that the Aoba pet is a very high maintence pet that needs a lot of TLC. We are almost to the end of this guide. Until next time on Dmmd pets101!


	7. New Pets

Our New Pets

You now know about our five main Dmmd pets, but did you know that they aren't the only Dmmd pets we have? No you didn't know?! There are around four Dmmd pets we are going to be looking into in this chapter. Don't get too excited the Sei pet is still out of production due to health hazards. Sorry.

** The Ren Pet **

The Ren pet is a new Boyfriend pet that is slowly gaining popularity in the Dmmd pet world. Like the Clear pet, the Ren pet is considered artificial so the Ren pet can't actually produce offsprings. To have a Ren pet as a boyfriend pet, you simply take the AI chip out of the Allmate Ren and into a Boyfriend Ren pet frame that comes for free with every allmate Ren purchase. The original Ren pets were the results of an experiment where the AI chip of a Ren pet was placed in a metal battery that replaced the Sei pet's brain. This experiment was a success until buzzkills decided to question if the new Ren pets were ethical. So now we decided to use synthetic frames for the Ren pet. Thanks a lot buzzkills. The Ren pet can consume Dmmd pet oil instead of food. Ren pets are generally well-behaved and rarely ever cause any sort of trouble compared to other Dmmd pets. Though the Ren pet is a very low maintenance pet, it can be prone to infections that cause it to go apeshit like the Beastjaku pet. The Reincarnation Ceremony doesn't work on the Ren pet so get a silver bullet or some shit like that.

** The Mizuki Pet **

The Mizuki pet came into production along with the other Dmmd pets but wasn't recognized as an official Boyfriend pet until early 2015. When we first attempted to introduce the Mizuki pet to the Aoba pet, the Aoba pet pretty much rejected it by scrapping the poor little shit. We then tried several more times to successfully breed the two Dmmd pets together but the same results appeared; the Aoba pet letting the Mizuki pet down the most harshest way possible. Because of all these unfortunate incidents, the Mizuki pet has been the butt of many Dmmd pet owners' jokes. Around the year 2015, the Mizuki pet finally gets a break and is on rise to becoming an official Boyfriend pet. The Mizuki pet is a low maintenance pet that can get along with many Dmmd pets, even the Sly Blue pet. Just be cautious when trying to pair your Mizuki pet with an Aoba pet because there's still a huge chance the Aoba pet will turn it down with zero mercy. Mizuki pets can be sold in any Nitro+chiRAL store.

** The ViTri Pets **

Though they're usually sold in pairs, you have the choice in just purchasing one of each. The ViTri pets have gained quite the controversy since they've been sold. The ViTri pets are difficult in many areas of Dmmd pet care. At least keeping the two together won't be an issue, the Vitri pets are inseparable. Controlling their behavior is an extremely difficult task. Even though the Virus pet is much more tranquil and less violent then the Trip pet, its artful character can be very troublesome for Dmmd pet owners. Another thing you should know about the ViTri pets are that they tend to share things with each other and that they are dead-set on being perfectly equal to each other. That means if an Aoba pet is going to breed with one pet, it's going to have to breed with the other too. It's very rare to find an Aoba pet that's going to be happy in raising four little sons of bitches at once. Since Aoba pets are generally unwilling to go through with this task, ViTri pets will most likely resort to rather unpleasant actions. Now don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. If you own ViTri pets and you would like to breed them with an Aoba pet without causing drama, don't give your ViTri pets any wine or cake. Dmmd pet experts are claiming that cake and wine might be the source of their sociopathic asshole behavior. This scientific hypothesis has been backed up with absolutely zero evidence. ViTri pets can be sold in any Nitro+chiRAL store.


	8. Crap You'll Need

All the shit you'll need for your Dmmd pet

We have now covered all the Dmmd pets out there! What's left for you to know is what we have in store for you and your gay little friend.

** Dmmd Pet Crate **

I would like to apologize if you were convinced that your Dmmd pet actually needed its own whole room within whatever you're living in. Your Dmmd pet's room will be the big ass crate you'll be carrying your Dmmd pet in when you first take it home. The Dmmd pet crate can be disassembled and set up as the Dmmd pet's room, like a dollhouse. The crate will come for free but you'll need to pay for a new crate in case you need one. If you're rich as fuck and would like to give your Dmmd pet its own human room then be my guest.

** Tae-san's Cooking **

This is the food you will be giving your Dmmd pet for the majority of its diet. The Tae-san's Cooking packages are full of all the nutrients your Dmmd pet will need for its health. It's not recommended to give your Dmmd pet too much human food or else it will get really picky in the future. If your Dmmd pet refuses to eat its regular Dmmd pet food, simply shove it down its throat and tell it that there are a bunch of starving Lamento pets that would love to have food but can't because the Nitro+chiRAL store is giving all their food to Dmmd pets. Your Dmmd pet will grow to love it. Go Fuck Yourself food is good for your Mink pet. Just don't ask why it smells like cinnamon.

** Allmates **

Allmates are great for keeping Dmmd pets company while you are not around. More advanced allmates can fulfill multiple tasks. Allmate Usuis are like the smartphones of the Dmmd pet world, just slightly cheaper. Or if you're a rich bitch and you decide to give your Dmmd pet its own smartphone then that's cool.

** Dmmd pet Oil **

The Dmmd pet Oil is used as food for Clear pets, Ren pets, and advanced allmates such as the allmate Usui. The Dmmd pet Oil cannot be used for regular allmates. Allmates need to be charged through a cable like any other electronic device.

** Allmate Chargers **

Self-Explanatory

** Dmmd pet Leash **

The Dmmd leash is very useful for the really hyperactive Dmmd pet. The leash works like the Toddler leash since the Dmmd pet walk upright. If you really trust your adult Dmmd pet to not scurry off like the little bastards they are then you won't have to get a leash. However, you're going to have to get a Dmmd pet leash if you own a Mink pet because it's required to wear one in public. This law is enforced in just about every single area Mink pets are sold.

** A large and strong bag **

Now I know that it's really hard to say no to your Dmmd pet whenever it wants something. It can be a challenge to not spoil your Dmmd pet. Unfortunately, this is a major problem with many Dmmd pet owners. If you were to look around an area of Dmmd pets, you would notice that at least a handful of Aoba pets are, how you say, "curvy". Now you can try to keep your Dmmd pet's weight under control when it's getting a little high on the squishy scale or you can call it quits and carry them around a bag. If you insist on not performing the Reincarnation Ceremony on your Beastjaku pet, a large and strong bag would come in handy. Some Beastjaku owners intentionally spoil their Beastjaku pets because they think that a "big-boned" Beastjaku pet will have less energy to fuck shit up around the house. If you are willing to look past the lack of morality, the idea works for the most part; however, if your "big-boned" Beastjaku pet falls through its bag, then the smart idea has gone way out of hand.

** Bad touch Jacket **

If you're not around your Aoba pet and are worried about Boyfriend pets getting grabby around it, the Bad touch jacket is the shit you'll want. Though it may look ugly ass fuck, the jacket will inflate, keeping Boyfriend pets from going near your Aoba pet. Do not worry about suffocation.

** Boots&Belts **

For some reason all Dmmd pets have a thing for wearing boots and belts.

** Wild Mink pet Hair Wigs& Extensions **

Don't be ashamed. You fucked your Dmmd pet's hair up. All Dmmd pet owners mess up their Dmmd pet's hair up at least once. Don't you worry too much about it! We now have racks of authentic Wild Mink pet hair. Its strong and durable texture allows it to be styled in any way that would suit your Dmmd pet's natural hair. I mean if you want to show off how rich you are and buy your Dmmd pet human hair that's fine too.


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